In Pursuit of a soft life

If you use the #softlife on Instagram, your feed will be instantly filled with pictures of black women on holiday, toasting to life, in a pool or sharing a dope outfit. More recently, especially on Kenyan twitter, (because mysognoire can never let us be), it has been used to disparagingly describe women who would rather enjoy a life via a blesser.

Truth is, who does not want to live a soft life even for a little while? The kind of life experienced by the influencer who you keep up with but don’t follow. Trips to exotic destinations, amazing food and fancy cocktails, top of the range vehicles and an amazing minimalist styled house?

But is that all there is to a soft life? According to @transparentblackgirl, an online wellness community, the soft life era is actually an act of radical wellnes. “It’s really about black women laying down what was never ours to carry”.

For black women tired of the strong black woman narrative, a soft life means finally giving yourself the grace you have always so graciously extended to others. Here are some ways to lean into the soft life…

Taking time off

Nobody is going to give you brownie points for working late. A sobering reality of work is that you can and will be replaced. Use your industry, don’t let your industry use you. Take time off when you need to take time off. Leave days are there for a reason. There are a lot of jokes about Gen Z and their expectations of work which include not working on weekends or past 5pm, yet this really should be the norm. There are of course, exceptions once in a while, but the lesson is to learn how to unplug from work and live your life.

Loving on yourself

We sometimes can be hard on ourselves for no reason, you may have been raised at a time where your clothing, hair or opinions were heavily policed. What this means is that as an adult these same voices live in your head rent free and they get meaner the more square space you give them. Learn how to speak lovingly to yourself, to extend grace to yourself, to develop self compassion especially for past mistakes. Being soft with yourself is imperative.

Protect ya neck

Do you have relationships or friendships where you constantly second guess yourself or your position in the relationship? Do you have friends who only remember your name when they need something or worse, have nobody else to hang with. If you are in a relationship where you find yourself doing all the emotional work and it’s stressing you out, it may be time to reassess and set up some boundaries. These may not always be received well, you will lose some people, but if you could not be authentically yourself while around them, what really was the point? The same applies to your professional life, are you in a job or career that aligns with who you are? If not you may actually be shortening your life span as studies have shown.

Getting your life in order

While this may seem elementary, it really is important to think about ways to create the “soft life” you so crave by putting the right systems in place. This could mean setting up a schedule to pay off an outstanding debt or loan, setting up proper savings and investment plans, basically getting your house in order financially so that you are not caught flat footed later in life. Check out this Forbes article: How to finally get your financial life in order

Investing in your wellbeing

When was the last time you scheduled a health checkup, while we are on the topic, creatives, do you have a good health plan? Are you eating right? Sleeping okay? what healthy habits have you incorporated to make sure you are in small but incremental ways taking care of yourself? Working out may seem like a thing that only athletic sweaty women and men do on Instagram but walk into any gym and the reality will hit different. It’s people of all sizes and shapes making a choice to move their bodies. You don’t have to pump iron, a dance class or a daily scheduled walk is just as good. Check out: You have only one body

Now go forth and pursue the soft life on your own terms.